Can i not drive my cunt home
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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