If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Randomize
