How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize