You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
