That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
