THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
