The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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