you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
