dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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