I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
