He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
