btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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