it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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