so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
