That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
