I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
