omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
