we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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