If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
