no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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