so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
