this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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