he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
