We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He better not be in your backpack
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
