I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
