Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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