I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
