Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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