we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It's blow job season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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