allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
