Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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