In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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