I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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