who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
