His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
