I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
