your room smells of hookers.
And success
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
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I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
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Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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