oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
