We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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