i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
