I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
