my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize