We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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