remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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