I wish I could teleport
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
