I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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