Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
