this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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