Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
