she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
