My balls are so social today.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck