I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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