My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
