let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
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He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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