So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
