...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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