Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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