yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
