so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
barbara walters just said penis...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
