Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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