I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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