we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
