so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
