People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
