Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
