The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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