Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
