The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
