Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
