There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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