It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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