you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
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I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
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Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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