She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
