Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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