just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
