remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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