I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
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I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
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Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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