You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
