I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
