I'm lost and stupid without you.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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