Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
