You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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