Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
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My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
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Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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