Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
